I Was Supposed to Die, Not Rule A Kingdom and Start A War! (30 Hari Menulis #15)

Picture taken from The Royal Order of Sartorial Splendor

What would you do, if you were told you only had three more months to live?

It sounds like a cliche from a movie or a book, doesn't it? That's what I thought, too. In the movie, the character would probably be devastated. They would probably start regretting what they'd done in their lives, and think about what they'd want to do before their life ended.

Me? I shrugged.

I mean, the seventeen years I've been on this Earth can't be counted as 'living', anyway. I have a strange heart condition that nobody in the world can figure out. Something's wrong, but what? Doctors don't know. Not the doctors in Bandung, or Singapore, or Cleveland. They started experimenting on me when I was four, but after three years, it took the toll on my mom. That's when she decided to let go of me.

But I'm still here, ten years later. Barely, anyway. I haven't gone to school in a month. It's okay, I don't really want to. When I'm there, I feel like a stranger in the class all over again. I struggle in catching up with the rest of the class because when they were covering trigonometry or some other mathematical gibberish, I was slipping in and out of almost-comas. Why should I know any of that stuff, anyway? Physics, chemistry, math... They all won't matter when I die.

What will? I have no idea.

Calm down, I'm not suicidal. I don't want to die. I just don't have any reason to dread it. I'm not welcoming it, per se, but maybe... maybe it's better if I die.

My parents, they're good people. They just hit the reverse-lottery with me. Sometimes when I think of what they could have done with their lives if they didn't have me, I can see their genuine smiling faces. The ones they show me are restricted--painful. They don't deserve me. I say this as a matter of fact, not from an emotional point of view.

So when I overheard Doctor Marino telling my mom that she would finally be free of me in three months or so (not her exact words, obviously), I just shrugged. Good for her. And finally, I guess. I'm not sure if I believe in an afterlife, but even if there isn't one, I'll be okay. I will no longer be a burden to her, or to my dad, or to classmates who have to struggle to remember my damn name when I'm attending classes once in a blue moon, or to my country, or to the world.

Now, what do you imagine death would be like?

I've fantasized about mine quite a number of times, honestly. Not much you can do when you're constrained to a bed in an empty hospital ward by yourself, night after night. In my mind, I imagine it will come at night, when I'm alone, just like tonight. Hopefully it'll be painless. It'll be better if it happens when I'm asleep, I think. So I'll close my eyes, fall asleep, and then just never wake up. It'll be perfect.

What I never once imagined is that death would come in the form of two guys with bright green eyes and a weird sense of fashion.

After I died, I wake up in the dark. I think I'm outside. It's super chilly, and just realizing that I'm cold sends shivers all over my body. My supposedly dead body. That wakes me up. What in the everloving hell happened to me?

I open my eyes. I am outside, and it is dark. I don't recognize where I am... I mean, I haven't been to many places besides my parents' house, the school, and various hospitals anyway, so I don't suppose I should know areas like this--especially with this many trees surrounding me. Am I in a park? No... A forest?

"You're awake," I hear someone whisper from my side, and footsteps coming from another. I turn my head to my right, and there he is--one of the guys who barged into my hospital room like criminals in action movies. This time, there's no detective daddy or super-powered boyfriend to save me, though. They just killed me and took me here.

Hold on, what?

"What..." I try to ask them the million questions that form in my head, but realize that 1) my throat hurts, and 2) my voice sounds like frogs swallowing Boncabe. "What the...?"

"Okay, sorry. I know you have a lot of questions," says the guy who now I remember tore open my freaking chest and took out my freaking heart and then freaking burst it right before my own two eyes.

Hell yeah, I have a lot of questions!

"But we're here to save you," he continues, apparently not getting the signals my eyes are making to tell me more details on how BREAKING AND ENTERING into my room and KILLING ME and then KIDNAPPING ME count as saving me. And from what? The only danger I have ever been is if my heart stops pumping blood, and that's literally what they let happen.

"I'm Aadi." I suddenly hear the other guy say. I turn to him. He looks humongous, standing over me. Maybe it's because I'm lying on the ground and he's just standing there, looking down on me. Terrific. "And that's my brother, Archan. We were sent here to take you to our kingdom and prepare you for the war."

I mean... Guys, whoever is reading this--does ANYthing this guy says make sense to you? Because to me it doesn't. It really doesn't.

My confusion probably shows on my face, because the other guy--Archan, was it?--starts shaking his head. "Okay, I know it's confusing. It's... We... I don't even know where to begin."

"Try," I croak.

He sighs. "Our princess died, Mara."

He said it as if I'm supposed to understand what's going on with just that sentence. Princess what now? Where are they from, The United Kingdom? What does any of it have to do with me?

"And we're at war," says the older guy. "Well, we will be, very soon. We need her to lead us to victory, but she died, and now it's up to you to save our kingdom and our people in it."

I mean, I'm not crazy, right? It's completely normal that I don't understand anything that they've been spewing out of their crazy mouths, yeah? I shake my head slightly (because damn does it hurt to literally do anything with my body right now), trying to make sense of every single thing that has happened tonight.

"Aisha--Our princess, she has--I mean, her heart is strong. That's where she got all her powers from. Before she died, we managed to save her heart, and we've put it in your body. The one beating inside you, that's hers." The boy kneeling beside me looks sorrowful as he says all this. "I'm very sorry we didn't have the time to explain before taking your heart away, but... There's no time, Mara. It's getting dangerous every second."

"Archan." Aadi says suddenly, his voice alert. I look at his poised posture, and that's when I feel it--danger.

There's danger lurking, and I don't know how I know it, but I can feel it. They can, too, I think. I get up slowly, ignoring the screams of pain from every bone in my body as I do so. I look around. I don't see anything out of ordinary (except for the fact that I'm sitting on the ground in an unknown forest with two strangers at probably two am), but the presence... I can feel the presence.

And suddenly I see it.

"THERE!" I cry, pointing at a pair of red eyes just floating around ten meters in front of us.

I haven't had the time to panic or feel scared before Aadi stands in front of me in a defensive stance, and Archan running toward the danger. I will my eyes to stay open, because what's happening in front of me is unbelievable:

The floating eyes develop some kind of darkness around them,

Archan muttering some stuff and pointing his fingers to the danger,

Green lights come out of his fingers, shooting the shadow,

And as its darkness fades, consumed by the green lights, it cries

A loud shriek

Something I've never heard of before

Something that shouldn't be real

And then it disappears, and the whole forest fall silent once again.

Only this time, Archan and Aadi quickly turn to me, see that I'm okay, and each take my hand and we run. We run and run, I don't know how long we've been running and where, but I can sense the urgency and fear that they don't bother hiding anymore.

As I move my legs, I can't help but think that maybe, maybe, death is better after all!

The Wall and A Young Girl's Dark Gazing Eyes (30 Hari Menulis #14)

The forlorn gaze coming from the dark eyes of the teenaged girl is quite possibly the most familiar thing this wall has known during the last several years, now. It does not know how it feels about that.

The Wall likes the girl, it has decided. She comes often, and every time she does, she doesn't make a fuss, like most other people who frequent here. She just sits or lays there on the bed, does whatever the woman in the white robe tells her to. Very rarely does she speak.

She comes often. Maybe every few months or so--walls do not have the interest in keeping up with humanity's obsession with time. Every time she comes, The Wall can't help but feel joy. Which is strange, because walls aren't supposed to feel anything. But there is something about this girl, it feels, that makes it somehow... alive. Even for just a little bit.

She comes often, which makes The Wall happy, but also sad. The frequency of her stay means she doesn't have long--her time is ending. This is what The Wall has learned over the few decades of his life, since it was built with the hard hands of the tender-hearted men who thought of their family and loved ones only. People come and go. Sometimes they come back, looking more frail each time, and then they stop coming.

It's nearing midnight, and this time, she is staring at The Wall again, as she does every night without fail. Today marks the fifth day she has been here. Anyone can probably guess what is going on in her mind right now, maybe. What the doctor told her mother did not sound very good. Even The Wall understands that.

Unbeknownst to the sighing girl are two young men standing just outside the window to the balcony, their eyes sharp, watching her. The Wall would squint its eyes to see more clearly, if it had eyes. It would alert the girl of the intruders, if it could. But alas, such is the nonlife of a wall, and its fate to just be present and watch terrible things happen.

The girl gasps as they come in, but quickly stopped from uttering a single word by the quick hand of one of the young men. The other one goes to the door, checking that no one is coming.

Her eyes look frightened, wandering left and right, trying to make sense who these people are, and what they could possibly want from a 17-year-old girl with a weak heart and probably three months left to live.

The fellow took his hand off of her mouth, putting one finger in front of his. "Ssh," he whispers, "we're not here to harm you."

"We need to go," says the one by the door impatiently.

"Okay," the one by the bed nods, not to the older boy, but more to himself. "Mara, we are here to save you."

Mara's eyes show something else now--confusion. And also anger? "What the hell? Who are you guys?" She sits straight up.

"We don't have time, just do it!" The Impatient One goes to the left side of the bed.

On the right side of the bed, the boy puts his hand on Mara's right shoulder, which is quickly removed by Mara's swift hand, and a "Don't. Touch. Me." warning from her mouth. It scares him a little, The Wall likes to think, but he doesn't show it.

"Mara, seriously. We are not the enemy," he pleads.

"You sure look like one to me," says Mara. For a quick second, she takes in a deep breath, and as she starts to scream, The Impatient One does something with his fingers that sends tiny blue lights to her mouth.

She screams, but there is no sound. She tries and tries, but the end result is the same: silence. She tries not to let it, but fear starts to consume her.

"Damn, Aadi!" The younger one looks panicked. "Why did you do that?"

"We don't have time, Archan."

"You just wasted your power!"

"Brother. Just do it."

The one called Archan stares at his companion, his eyes communicating how much he doesn't want to do what he is told to do, while knowing there is no better way. Finally he gives up, and turns his attention to Mara, whose hands now are on her neck, her face a chaos.

"Mara, lie down," Archan says. "Please."

Mara looks at him, and does as she is told. The Wall is confused by her action--surely these strangers want something out of her, so why is she giving it to them so willingly all of a sudden?

What it doesn't know is that Mara saw something in the boy's eyes--she doesn't know what it is, but there was no intention to harm her. There hasn't been, even since they entered the room. Mara senses something strange. The urgency of this two boys barging in her room at midnight feels bigger than her.

As she lies down, she studies the faces of the strangers. No, she doesn't recognize any of them. But why does she feel like she should?

Archan closes his eyes, and his hands start glowing. The room, that was pitch-black, is now incandescent with the red glow that grows around his hands. He hovers them over Mara's chest, and she starts glowing, too.

Aadi is now holding a wooden box in his hands out of nowhere--neither Mara nor The Wall noticed the box when the boys came in. He opens it, displaying something inside. It... it moves. It looks almost alive, but not really. It glows also, but with a dim yellowish light around it. It feels strange. It feels foreign.

It feels like something that shouldn't be.

Mara looks at the object, trying to figure out what it is. But as the glowing red light on her chest grows brighter and spreading all over her body, bringing warmth with it, she loses her energy to focus on anything. So she closes her eyes, and trusts the two boys to do what they have to do. She doesn't have time to think about what this means, or what is about to happen. She feels almost content.

But what comes out of Archan's mouth takes away all that contentment: "We are going to take your heart out."

As she opens her eyes in protest, Archan's hands rip apart her torso, and there it is--her heart. Her red heart, beating very weakly in his hands, and she is staring at it. She never thought she'd be looking directly at the very organ that has kept her alive all these years, but also the same one that gives her misery.

She starts to open her mouth, but Archan quickly pulls her heart away

and her life with it,

so she dies

and she does what dead bodies do:

lay unmovingly on the bed.

The Wall screams in silent terror, one that no one and nothing will ever hear.

It shuts away its consciousness, numb with the pain of losing the very person it has ever been able to show interest in. It's becoming just another cold, blank wall in the cardiac hospital.

By doing so, it loses its power to see what happens next: Archan taking the object out of the box and into Mara's gaping chest. Aadi taking Mara's heart and putting it in the box, as it slowly stops beating. Archan uttering something with his hands hovering over Mara's corpse once again. Mara's torso slowly closing itself, her blood seeping into her vessels in command.

And for a full minute, the room is once again dark and silent.

And then, something happens.

This time, there's no tiny blue lights or red glows coming out of Archan, or Aadi, or Mara. This time, there's no sound, either.

It's just Mara's eyes opening again, ever so slowly.

Only this time, they're not dark--they're light blue.

Melindungi Mara, dan Hal-Hal Tidak Mungkin Lainnya (30 Hari Menulis #11)

Mara mempercepat langkahnya. Ini gawat.

Kami sedang berada di wilayah yang tidak kami kenali, dan matahari sudah lama berpulang ke peraduannya. Aku dan kakakku, Aadi, sudah mati-matian membujuk Mara, orang yang harus kami jaga, untuk mencari tempat yang aman. Bukan hanya dia yang membutuhkan istirahat--kami juga. Apalagi, sekarang ini kami belum berhasil mengontak siapa pun di istana, sejak kami kembali dari Bumi. Sama sekali tidak ada siapa pun yang mengetahui posisi kami saat ini. Jika Baug, musuh kami, menjadi orang pertama yang menemukan kami... Entah berapa banyak goblin yang akan dia kirim untuk menghabisi kami.

"Kalian pikir aku makhluk lemah, yang harus kalian jaga? Hanya karena aku perempuan, dan kalian laki-laki. Iya kan?" pekiknya, persis tiga menit yang lalu ketika kami lagi-lagi gagal membuatnya mengerti kacaunya situasi kami saat ini. Aku mengangkat bahu dan Aadi menghela napas berat. Kata-kata "coba ingat-ingat, siapa yang baru saja kami selamatkan dari sebuah rumah sakit jantung di dunianya?" tidak jadi aku lontarkan.

Kami masih berjalan mengikuti Mara, dengan Aadi sesekali mencoba membujuk Mara. "Membujuk" bukan kata yang tepat. Biasanya "percakapan" yang terjadi hanya seputar ini:

Aadi: Mara, sudah-
Mara: Tidak!
Aadi: Kamu bahkan tidak tahu-
Mara: Aku tidak perlu tahu!

"GAAAH!" adalah apa yang keluar dari mulut Aadi kemudian, dengan kedua tangan yang terkepal dan diangkatnya ke atas, tinggi-tinggi.

Aku menahan tawa. Harus kuakui, kukira orang yang akan kami selamatkan adalah sesosok perempuan yang rapuh dan lembut. Bagaimana tidak, hanya beberapa hari yang lalu kami menculiknya dari sebuah rumah sakit, mengeluarkan jantungnya, dan memasukkan jantung putri kami ke tubuhnya (ceritanya panjang, kita tidak punya cukup waktu untuk itu). Tapi perempuan yang sedang berjalan di depan kami ini jauh dari kata rapuh--kadang, aku rasa dia punya lebih banyak keberanian daripada diriku sendiri. Sedikit demi sedikit, aku mendapati diriku mengembangkan rasa kagum terhadap dirinya.

Aadi kembali mencoba untuk membujuk Mara, kali ini dengan meraih tangannya--tindakan yang salah. Mara meronta, berteriak, dan mereka akhirnya benar-benar berseteru sekarang. Mataku membelalak atas kejadian di depanku, kemudian segera berlari menuju mereka, menghentikan kekonyolan ini.

"Cukup!" bisikku setengah berteriak, "Jangan berisik!"

"Kamu yang jangan berisik!" sentak Mara segera. "Atau kamu mau menjelaskan sekarang juga kenapa kalian menculik aku dan membawaku ke tempat ini?"

"Sekarang bukan waktunya untuk itu..."

"Archan benar, Mara..."

"Diam, diam! Aku sudah bosan mendengar cerita tentang putri kalian, jantungnya... Kembalikan aku ke dunia di mana sihir hanya ada di novel-novel Harry Potter!"

Saat itulah, aku melihatnya. Sekilas cahaya merah dan hijau berkelebat di sisi kananku, di belakang Mara. Aku membeku. "Mara."

Mara masih mengoceh tentang sekolah, ujian, dan sesuatu bernama kuliah.

Aku meraih mukanya. "MARA."

Akhirnya, dia terdiam. Matanya melihat ke kiri dan kanan, mempelajari keadaan kami saat ini: terkepung. Dalam sekejap saja, ada sekitar delapan goblin yang berdiri mengelilingi kami.

Goblin yang berada paling dekat dengan Aadi mencoba menyerang duluan, tapi berhasil Aadi hindari. Hal itu justru memacu goblin-goblin yang lain untuk memulai penyerangan terhadap kami. Aku dan Aadi mati-matian mempertahankan posisi dengan Mara di antara kami agar dirinya tidak terluka. Hanya saja, dengan beberapa minggu berada di Bumi untuk mencari dan menyelamatkan Mara sudah menghabiskan kebanyakan energi magis kami.

Beberapa goblin terkapar di atas rumput--entah empat atau lima--entah bagaimana kami masih berhasil mengerahkan seluruh sisa kekuatan kami. Hanya saja, magi kami hampir habis, begitu pun dengan energi fisik kami. Napas kami terengah-engah. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana kondisi Aadi, karena aku bahkan tidak bisa melihat dengan jelas--kepalaku berat dan mataku berkunang-kunang. Ini gawat, jelas gawat. Di mana Mara?

Teriakannya di sebelah kiriku membuat mataku kembali awas, dan menemukannya sedang berusaha menendang dan memukul dua goblin yang berusaha melemahkannya. Aku berlari ke arahnya, tapi seorang goblin menyerangku dari belakang, dan aku terjatuh ke depan. Seraya berusaha berdiri, aku melihat ke arah Mara--Aadi sedang berlari ke arahnya. Dan itulah saat hal itu terjadi.

Entah dari mana, hutan yang gelap dan lembab itu berubah menjadi sangat terang seketika, dan hangat. Untuk beberapa saat, aku tidak bisa melihat hal lain, atau menggunakan inderaku yang lain. Yang bisa aku rasakan hanyalah nostalgia--aku pernah bertemu magi jenis ini sekali. Betapa aku merindukannya.

Detik-detik berlalu, dan perlahan-lahan semua inderaku kembali. Aku mengedipkan mata berkali-kali, mencoba untuk memperjelas pandanganku. Yang kudapatkan adalah para goblin yang tersungkur tak berdaya di atas rumput, dan Mara yang membenamkan kepalanya di dada Aadi. Aku dapat mendengarkan isaknya.

Aku hanya berdiri, diam di tempat, tidak tahu apa yang harus aku lakukan. Aku yakin pasti berat baginya, mendapati dua orang yang berpenampilan sedikit berbeda dengan manusia pada umumnya menculiknya dari rumah sakit tempatnya menunggu kematian, untuk kemudian diceritakan kisah tentang seorang putri yang sudah mati dan jantungnya yang masih berdetak. Apalagi ketika dia mendengar bahwa sekarang dirinyalah penjaga jantung sang putri.

Ingin rasanya kuselimuti dirinya dengan pelukan, dan bisikan bahwa ini semua tidak apa-apa, kami semua akan baik-baik saja. Tapi mungkin ini bukan waktu yang tepat dan mungkin aku bukan orang yang tepat pula.

Why I Got Married Even Though I Never Wanted To (30 Hari Menulis #28)

I was never into marriage.

Picture taken from HuffingtonPost.com

Growing up, my friends often fantasized about their dream weddings - beach weddings, garden weddings, white weddings - but I just couldn't bring myself to care about what kind of dress I wanted to wear or which color scheme I wanted for the decoration. I was much more into other stuff, like actually getting good grades in school.

Nearing my 30's, a lot of my friends were engaged, or married, or pregnant. Me? I was still so focused on my career as a writer and human rights activist. I wasn't envious of them, either, because I couldn't imagine dedicating myself to just one person for the rest of my life. My parents grew wary of my singledom, even trying to introduce me to children of their friends whom they thought were eligible men, but I just shook my head and did my own stuff. Marriage was never for me, I guess.

But then he proposed to me, and I couldn't say yes quick enough.

He came out of nowhere - a representative of a client company that wanted me to write an article about their product on my blog. Turned out we'd met on several occasions on banquets or mutual friends' weddings, and during our work together we realized that we just had so, so, so much more in common than anyone else we'd met in our lives. I can still remember his face when I told him that his favorite books were written by me, back when I still used an alias because I wasn't confident enough as a writer to use my real name on my books. He lit up like the sun.

Love happened very suddenly, took me by force and I was drowning in happiness. It made me anxious, to be honest. I wasn't used to feeling so happy because of another person, and certainly never for such a long period of time. When I told him this, he said that he felt the same, but he couldn't imagine going back to how things were now that he knew what life was like with me. That was two weeks before his proposal, three years after we went on our first date.

It's been ten years now, and every morning I wake up smiling at his sleeping face right next to mine. The peacefulness he radiates reminds me that life can actually be this good, no strings attached. Well, it's not always golden all the time - even now we still find some things we disagree about, or stuff we just tolerate about each other - but this feeling of completeness, of being understood, is definitely worth all the bumps on our road.

I still maintain that you don't need to be married to be happy even today, but if you meet the right person - the person that can make you fall in love with yourself, especially when they're around - marriage isn't such a bad idea. Spending the rest of your life with that person isn't scary - it's something you actually look forward to.

Pulang (30 Hari Menulis #26)

Pagi ini berjalan seperti biasa: aku bangun, bersiap-siap kemudian berangkat bekerja. Begitu sampai di tempat kerjaku, sebuah kafe kecil di tengah-tengah Sheffield, aku langsung membersihkan kembali tempat ini dan mempersiapkannya untuk hari ini. Aku menyapa Dan dan Phil, bartender dan chef kafe ini, kemudian kami memulai hari.

Tapi ada yang tidak biasa pada hari ini.

Picture from bangordailynews.com

Beberapa jam setelah kafe dibuka, kami memasuki jam sibuk. Berbagai macam orang datang ke tempat kami untuk sekadar mengobrol, bersantai, bekerja dengan laptop mereka, atau makan siang. Aku melayani tamu-tamu kami seperti biasa, diawali dengan senyum, dan diakhiri dengan terima kasih. Beberapa tamu terlihat familiar karena sudah beberapa kali ke sini, dan beberapa di antara mereka memang bahkan sudah memiliki tempat favorit masing-masing.

Aku menyukai pekerjaanku, selain karena bayarannya bagus untuk pekerjaan yang bisa kubilang sederhana, juga karena orang-orang ini membuatku nyaman. Setidaknya, kebanyakan dari mereka.

Masuklah dua orang yang belum pernah kami lihat sebelumnya. Tamu baru. Dengan sigap, aku mengantarkan menu kepada mereka, lengkap dengan senyuman termanisku, dan berkata, "Selamat datang. Ada yang bisa saya bantu?"

Salah satu dari mereka memandangku dari atas hingga bawah, melirik ke temannya, kemudian mereka berdua tertawa. Aku mengernyit, tidak mengerti dari mana perlakuan tidak menyenangkan ini datang. Kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut mereka kemudian memperjelas situasi.

"Sudah siap untuk pulang? Kami tidak mau orang-orang sepertimu di negara kami lagi."

Aku terpana. Hal yang kutakutkan sejak sebelum hasil referendum kemarin keluar akhirnya sudah dimulai.

Aku masih tidak bisa berkata apa-apa ketika Dan menghampiri meja mereka dan bertanya apakah ada masalah. Salah satu dari mereka menjawab, ada, ada masalah. Masalahnya adalah aku. Aku seorang pendatang yang mengambil semua pekerjaan mereka dan menikmati hasil pajak mereka. Mereka ingin aku pulang ke negaraku. Mereka ingin aku apa?

Dan meminta mereka keluar.

"Apa-apaan ini?" tanya salah satu dari mereka, marah. "Kami tidak salah, kami hanya mengatakan apa yang dipikirkan semua orang!"

"Perlakuan seperti ini tidak diterima di kafe kami," tegas Phil yang entah bagaimana sudah berada di belakangku, meletakkan tangannya di bahuku untuk menunjukkan dukungan. Aku merasa sedikit lebih baik.

"Untuk informasi Anda, Sir," aku mulai berkata, "saya lahir dan besar di negara ini, sama seperti Anda. Ini rumah saya. Saya memang sudah pulang."

Salah satu dari dua rasis itu protes, mengatakan sesuatu tentang Islam atau kulit gelapku atau hal lain yang tidak begitu aku pedulikan. Yang jelas, mereka akhirnya angkat kaki. Aku sedikit lega, tapi juga merasa bahwa ini hanyalah permulaan dari hari-hari yang tidak menyenangkan.

Aku membalikkan tubuhku, menghadap ke arah para tamu yang lain. Beberapa dari mereka sama terpakunya dengan aku tadi atas apa yang baru saja terjadi, dan beberapa lainnya - para tamu langganan - memberikan senyuman dukungan kepadaku.

Aku meminta maaf atas kejadian tidak mengenakkan barusan.

Salah satu tamu langganan kami - Louise, yang selalu memesan cokelat hangat dan duduk di samping jendela - mendekati aku, dan memberikanku sebuah pelukan yang sangat hangat. Sangat sulit bagiku untuk menahan air mataku untuk tidak jatuh. Haru menyelimuti seluruh tubuhku.

"Kamu tidak sendirian," ujarnya.

Begitu aku pulang, aku masuk ke laman sosial mediaku dan menemukan bahwa memang, aku tidak sendirian, dalam arti yang berbeda dengan yang dimaksud Louise. Akan lebih banyak rasis yang merasa benar karena Brexit, dan aku tidak bisa menyembunyikan rasa takut dan khawatirku.

Tapi aku mengingat apa yang dilakukan oleh Louise, Dan, Phil, dan tamu-tamu kafe lainnya hari ini, dan setuju bahwa aku tidak sendirian, dalam arti yang dimaksud Louise. Rasisme tidak akan menang, dan hari demi hari akan aku habiskan untuk memperjuangkan kebenaran.

Senja, Setelah Aku Pergi (30 Hari Menulis #25: Tantangan)

Tantangan dari Rista 

Puisi ini ditulis berdasarkan gambar di atas.

Predicament (30 Hari Menulis #23: Action)

I find myself in a predicament: there are fireballs traveling in what seems like light speed heading my way.

I imagine it would suck so hard if they made contact with my bare face. Good thing I managed to block it with a water barrier, then.

The firebender moves to my left, and I don't waste any time. I bend the barrier into ice spikes and send them his way. He's too fast, though. I swear it's barely physically impossible to move directions while you're running as quickly as he did, but if it's him, anything's possible.

I try my luck, locking him in an ice jail as he runs past a trail of water from the lake right next to us as fast as I can. It works, and I almost smile victoriously before I notice his grin.

He heats his whole body. The ice is melting, so I quickly get into the lake before he sets himself free. I surround myself with water tentacles, and dear God it takes so much of my energy when it's midday and I can't borrow the power of my brother's dead ex-girlfriend. I don't show it, though.

He breaks free.

I try to hit him with one of my water tentacles, but he dodges it to the right. Unlucky for him, though, I've already readied the second tentacle.

SPLASH.

He's soaked all over, his long hair glistening under the sun. He looks at me for a fraction of a second, and he runs.

Toward me.

Into the big, deep lake.

Is he crazy? This is completely my territory!

Confused, I freeze the surface to lock him in, but he's already swimming deeper by the time the water freezes above him.

My heart pounds as I wait for him to break the already melting frozen surface and show himself, but it's been a second too long. Where is he?

The sudden heat of the water surrounding me answers my question. I'm startled at the temperature that rised way too quickly, and lose my balance. I fall into the water.

I haven't had time to make sense of my surroundings when I see the fire in his eyes approaching me.

I could have just frozen the water around him before he reaches me, but I'm out of breath and energy and my lungs are just screaming at me demanding oxygen, so I quickly move my legs and swim towards the completely melted surface.

I gasp for air, taking enough to get ready to dive back in and find him, but before I can do anything, his face shows itself right next to me.

"Tag," he smirks as he places his hand on my head, "you're it."

You've Got A Text! (30 Hari Menulis #16)

"MYA"

"Who is that? Found yourself a new girlfriend?"

"Missing you already"

"Adorable. Are you drunk?"

"No... I don't have to be drunk to text my girlfriend"

"Actually, you do. You're very practical with texts when you're sober."

"You know me so well! Are you an angel?"

"Just on the weekends. Where are you? You're not driving home after this, okay?"

"I'M NOT DRUNK"

"I don't believe you."

"Fine. I'm at Matt's"

"You are? Why?"

"Carolyn broke up with him I'm here for moral support"

"Moral supports aren't supposed to be intoxicated."

"I'm bad at it apparently"

"Should I take that responsibility? I can drive you home afterwards."

"NEGATIVE he doesn't want anyone to see his ugly face he cries like a little girl"

"Alright. Well, tell him I'm sorry. Are you staying there? I can come and bring breakfast for you guys."

"YOU ARE THE BEST WIFE"

"I'm not your wife yet, Alex."

"YET??? DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?"

"We are NOT doing this over text. Go get some rest."

"ILYSM!!!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not familiar with Internet abbreviations, like a normal 30-something who doesn't hang out with teenagers?"

"It's I love you so much remember it because I'll be saying it a lot"

"Oh because it's too much trouble to actually type every word down?"

"No because it's cool like spy codes"

"You're definitely more drunk than I thought. Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Also: ILYSM2."

"Using 2 as too is a bit juvenile don't you think"

"OH SHUT UP ALEX!"

Aduy (30 Hari Menulis #13)

Picture by heise.deviantart.com

"Jadi cewek mah jangan pulang malem-malem, Neng," aku ingat perkataan Ibu yang seringkali ia ucapkan padaku, terutama setiap Kamis malam saat aku akan berangkat ke klub menulis. Ya jadi cewek di jaman patriarki gini sih emang banyak susahnya Bu, timpalku di kepalaku sendiri, tapi tidak pernah benar-benar kusampaikan pada Ibu.

"Ibu aja dulu waktu masih gadis nggak pernah pulang lebih dari jam delapan," lanjutnya malam itu, seraya mengiris bawang untuk persiapan memasak makan malam. "Dulu mah masih ada Mang Yuda, jadi kalo emang Ibu ada perlu pulang malem, Mangmu itu yang siap antar-jemput Ibu. Sayang orangnya udah nggak ada."

Gerakan mengiris bawang Ibu sempat terhenti sebentar, matanya yang menatap bawang putih dengan sayu sedikit berair. Mungkin sendu mengenang adiknya yang meninggal akibat kecelakaan motor saat aku masih balita, atau mungkin sekadar efek bawang?

Aku tidak menetapkan fokusku pada alasan mata Ibu berair bermalam-malam lalu. Perhatianku kutujukan terhadap jalanan kosong di depanku, diterangi cahaya remang-remang lampu jalan. Untunglah malam ini sang bulan sedang berbaik hati meminjamkan cahayanya dengan lebih terang dari biasanya.

Aku agak waswas. Padahal jalan ini kulalui setiap hari, hingga rasanya aku bisa saja sampai ke rumah dengan mata tertutup saking hapalnya. Ya tapi biasanya aku berjalan di sini pada pagi atau siang hari sih, ketika matahari masih menggantung di angkasa dan banyak orang lain berlalu-lalang. Ini pertama kalinya aku pulang melewati tengah malam begini.

Gara-gara terlalu asyik mengobrol usai kegiatan klub, aku jadi lupa waktu! Memang masih ada angkutan kota yang beroperasi pukul sekitar pukul ini karena tempat tinggalku dekat dengan terminal paling besar di kota ini, tapi aku sama sekali lupa bahwa hal yang sama tidak berlaku dengan ojek. Ah, aku menyesal!

Aku berjalan dengan hati-hati, langkahku besar dan cepat karena ingin segera sampai. Kuedarkan pandanganku ke sekelilingku. Kanan, kiri, depan, belakang. Oh ... tidak.

Dari belakangku, ada dua orang pria yang datang mendekat. Jantungku spontan berpacu empat kali lipat lebih kencang dari biasanya, keringatku dingin. Tenang, Dea, mungkin mereka memang warga di sekitar sini juga. Mungkin mereka tidak berniat jahat.

"Sendirian aja, Neng?" tanya pria yang tingginya mungkin hampir dua meter. Temannya, yang berkumis lebat, terkekeh.

Kakiku lemas, tapi aku berusaha tampak tidak acuh. Aku hanya memberi mereka sedikit anggukan dan senyuman yang sopan, kemudian kembali berjalan.

Tapi tidak bisa, karena pria berkumis lebat menarik tanganku! Aku mencoba menjerit, tapi tidak ada suara yang keluar. Mampus aku! Seharusnya aku benar-benar berkonsentrasi setiap latihan karate waktu SMA dulu!

"Nggak usah buru-buru, Neng. Main dulu atuh sama kita," sang pria tinggi menyeringai.

Aku harus melakukan sesuatu! Gigit lengannya? Cakar mukanya? Tendang kemaluannya? Ah, tubuhku berkhianat. Energiku habis diserang panik. Sekarang apa yang akan terjadi?

Tiba-tiba saja, genggaman si kumis lebat melemah, kemudian dia melepaskan lenganku. Bingung, aku memperhatikan mukanya. Pucat pasi. Hal yang sama kutemukan di wajah si tinggi. Mata mereka sama-sama terbelalak melihat ke sesuatu yang berada di belakangku.

Maka aku berbalik, dan kulihatlah sosok itu. Seorang pria, mungkin berusia awal 30-an, tingginya hampir sejajar denganku, baju dan celananya putih bersih. Dia berdiri di belakangku dengan menyembunyikan kedua tangannya di balik punggung.

"Jangan ganggu dia," katanya. Aku merinding. Mungkin karena angin yang berhembus, tak lebih dari itu. Lagipula, tidak masuk akal perkataan seseorang dapat mempermainkan suhu udara.

Dia tidak melakukan apa-apa lagi. Ajaibnya, hanya tiga kata itu mampu membuat si tinggi dan si kumis lebat berbalik dan berlari. Kabur. Jauh, jauh, jauh dari aku dan pria ini.

Aku menatapnya tak percaya. Siapa dia, dan kenapa dia memiliki kuasa sebesar itu terhadap dua orang tadi? Haruskah aku juga takut padanya?

"Saya anterin pulang, ya," tawarnya.

Aku diam sebentar. Mungkin akal sehatku akan menghindar, tapi aku merasa nyaman dengan pria ini, jadi aku mengangguk mengiyakan. Lagipula, dia baru saja menyelamatkanku. Seharusnya tidak apa-apa, kan?"

"Makasih," bisikku. Aku tidak yakin dia bisa mendengarnya. Suara langkah kami saja mungkin lebih keras daripada ucapanku barusan. Tapi dia mengangguk, dan tersenyum padaku.

"Namanya siapa, Neng?"

"Dea," jawabku.

Kemudian, selama lima belas menit perjalanan kami menuju rumah, pria itu terus menanyakan banyak hal tentang aku dan ibuku. Di mana aku bersekolah, apa kabar ibuku, di mana ibuku bekerja sekarang. Aku sibuk menjawab pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu hingga melupakan rasa takutku akan kejadian yang kualami barusan. Lambat laun, pagar rumahku mulai terlihat.

"Udah nyampe," ujarnya saat kami menghentikan langkah tepat di depan pagar.

"Kok, bisa tau rumah aku di mana?" Heran, padahal aku belum pernah bilang padanya.

Dia menyeringai jahil. "Tau, atuh. Ngomong-ngomong, boleh saya minta tolong sesuatu?"

Aku mengangguk, mendengar permintaannya, kemudian melambaikan tanganku saat ia berbalik pergi. Aku mengunci pagar dan berjalan melintasi pekarangan rumah. Saat aku sedang mencari kunci pintu rumah, mendadak pintu itu terbuka sendiri.

Oh, Ibu. "Neng, tadi kamu ngapain diem dulu di depan pager?"

"Oh, tadi ngobrol dulu sama yang nganterin Neng," jawabku. Aku meletakkan sepatu di rak, kemudian mencium pipi Ibu.

Dahi Ibu mengernyit. "Tapi tadi nggak ada siapa-siapa selain Neng."

"Ada, ih, cowok. Mungkin pas Ibu liat Neng, dia udah pergi, kali."

Ibu menutup tirai dan mengunci pintu dengan dahi yang semakin kusut. "Masa, sih? Tadi Ibu lama lho merhatiin kamu."

"Iya ih, masa Dea bohong. Dia nitip salam tuh, buat Ibu."

"Oh iya?"

"Iya, katanya 'salam ya dari Aduy', gitu. Ibu kenal?"

Kunci yang dipegang Ibu terjatuh, mengejutkanku. Matanya berair, kemudian dengan sekejap tumpah ruah.

"Bu?" Mataku membelalak, "Ibu kenapa?" Aku segera mengusap-usap lengan Ibu, bingung akan reaksi ini.

"Aduy itu," kata Ibu di sela-sela isaknya, "nama panggilan Mang Yuda waktu kami masih kecil."

Distraksi (30 Hari Menulis #11)

Aku tidak mengerti apa yang sedang kulihat.

Salah satu dari para makhluk-makhluk hina ini menggoyang-goyangkan badannya dengan cara yang belum pernah kulihat sebelumnya.

"Apa yang sedang kaulakukan?" Sebuah jurus rahasia? Gerakan untuk mengumpulkan kekuatan? Aku tak habis pikir.

"Dance-off, bro! Aku dan kau!" jawabnya, menggerakkan pinggulnya ke depan dan belakang.

Aku masih belum bisa memproses apa-apa ketika sesuatu mengenaiku.

Ah, dance-off. Sebuah jurus distraksi yang terlalu kuat untuk bisa kuhindari.

Jejak (30 Hari Menulis #8)

Ternyata dia belum mati.

Aku menggelengkan kepala, terkekeh kecil. Pantas saja rasanya tidak tenang, seperti ada yang kulupakan.

Aku berbalik kembali menuju rumahku, membuka kembali pintu yang tadi sudah kukunci, kemudian berjalan menuju kamarku dan menemukannya.

Ah, benar yang sudah kuduga. Persegi panjang digital yang ada di sana masih memancarkan audio visual.

Segera kumatikan televisi, sekalian kucabut kabelnya dari socket.

Kini aku bisa pergi kerja dengan tenang, tanpa menambahkan jejak karbon dari barang elektronik yang tidak kugunakan.

Ini 2016, sudah waktunya kita semua peduli lingkungan!