Kamis, 19 Juli 2018

Pride

December 1991: Look at her! My baby girl is born. She will be everything I ever hope for her to be.

December 1997: Look at her! My baby girl is now enrolling in the best primary school. It doesn't matter that she is a year younger than all her classmates - she is my child, so she will be smarter than everybody else's.

December 2004: Look at her! My baby girl is the highest rank in her class. It doesn't matter that she didn't get to do club activities or hang out much with her friends - she is my child, so she will be happy with her grades.

December 2009: Look at her! My baby girl is accepted into one of the best universities in town. It doesn't matter that she won't be studying a subject she's interested in - she is my child, so she will be learning the one I chose.

December 2013: Look at her! My baby girl has graduated magna cum laude. It doesn't matter that she spends a lot of time in her room and barely eats or talks to anybody - she is my child, so she must be looking for a job I will be proud of.

December 2014: Look at her! My baby girl is now working for my friend's company. It doesn't matter that she wanted to work in a different field - she is my child, so I know what is best for her.

December 2017: My baby girl is now lying in the ground. I don't understand why she chose to leave me - all I did was love her and tell her how to live her life so she could make me happy.

Jumat, 29 Juni 2018

Perjamuan Luar Biasa

Mataku terbuka tiba-tiba ketika mendengar keributan orang-orang di luar. Ada apa ya? Terakhir kali ada ribut-ribut seperti ini, Katara dan Sokka membawa pulang seorang bocah yang tidak memiliki rambut alih-alih ikan untuk kami makan seperti biasa. Jangan-jangan kali ini mereka menemukan anak perempuan?

Hal pertama yang aku deteksi ketika keluar dari tenda tempat tinggalku adalah ketakutan. Dalam delapan tahun hidupku, aku belum pernah menemukan rasa cemas sebesar ini di Suku Air Selatan. Panik menguasai tubuhku, memaksaku diam di tempat sementara mataku memindai kerumunan untuk mencari ibuku.

Yang kudapati, justru, adalah moncong sebuah kapal laut besar yang berhasil mendobrak benteng salju desa kami. Di depannya, berdiri seorang kebangsaan Negara Api dengan bekas luka yang mengenaskan menutupi sebagian wajah kirinya. Berteriak-teriak ia memerintah seseorang untuk keluar. Sang Avatar.

Kalau aku tidak sedang terperangkap dalam teror yang besar, aku akan mengernyitkan mataku. Memang tidak banyak hal yang aku tentang dunia, tapi satu hal yang sering diceritakan oleh Nenek Kanna adalah bahwa Avatar adalah seorang legenda yang seharusnya dapat membawa keseimbangan terhadap dunia, tapi hilang sebelum perang seratus tahun ini mulai.

Tiba-tiba, anak botak bertato panah itu menampakkan dirinya. Gila, mau apa dia? Bisa apa seorang anak kecil melawan pasukan Negara Api yang telah membuat dunia ini sebuah mimpi buruk? Entah bagaimana, bocah itu berhasil membujuk Negara Api untuk membawanya pergi dengan syarat desa kami dibiarkan aman. Hal terakhir yang aku lihat sebelum kapal itu akhirnya meninggalkan kami adalah luka di wajah sang Pangeran ketika dia berbalik menjauhi kami.

Beberapa tahun kemudian, aku melihat kembali luka itu. Masih aku ingat betapa pasrahnya aku merasa ketika terakhir kali dia ada di hadapanku. Sekarang, keadaan berbeda.

"Fire Lord Zuko, selamat datang ke kediaman sederhana kami di Kutub Selatan," ujarku seraya memberikan tanganku. Disambutnya dengan jabatan yang hangat, "Terima kasih, Ketua Suku."

Aku mengangguk, kemudian menjabat tangan yang lain. "Terima kasih atas kedatangan Anda, Avatar Aang."

Dia membalasnya dengan senyuman yang lebar. Dia mungkin tidak mengingat aku, tapi seringai itu tidak pernah aku lupakan. Sulit dipercaya, tapi bocah botak inilah yang berhasil membuat dunia dari mimpi buruk menjadi kenyataan yang indah, dibantu oleh pemilik luka di wajah kirinya yang kini menjadi salah satu pemimpin paling bijaksana yang pernah hidup.

Gila. Ini semua dapat terjadi gara-gara suatu hari Katara dan Sokka menemukannya terperangkap di bongkahan es berumur satu abad. Aku bergidik membayangkan bagaimana jadinya kehidupan sekarang jika mereka tidak pernah menemukan Aang...

Ah, sudah, jangan dipikirkan. Tidak ada waktu untuk itu. Sekarang aku harus menjamu sang Avatar dan Fire Lord dan berbincang tentang perdamaian yang akhirnya kami semua dapatkan.

Kamis, 21 Juni 2018

Tatih Empat Kaki Mungil di Rimba Raksasa

Aw. Aw. Aw.

Itu doang yang kepikiran di otak aku tiap aku jalan. Abis gimana, sakit. Apes bangetlah kemaren teh. Niatnya tuh cuma tiduran bentar gara-gara panas banget kan ya, tau-tau ada kaki raksasa yang enak banget nginjek kaki aku.

Sakit sih, tapi lebih sakit lagi waktu liat raksasanya tuh pura-pura nggak sadar barusan dia ngapain. Nggak mungkin banget nggak kerasa kalo dia hampir matahin tulang seekor makhluk hidup!

Aku masih inget rupa raksasanya. Rasanya pengen cakar-cakar itu idungnya, tapi kemaren nggak bisa jalan banget, jadi sekarang baru mau aku jalanin misi balas dendamnya. Makanya mau sakitnya kayak apa pun, aku tetep nyoba jalan pelan-pelan di tempat yang becek, bau, dan penuh banget sama spesies kejam itu.

"Ih Mamah liat ada kucing!" kata anak raksasa yang ada di depan aku, ingusnya meler melambai dari idungnya.

"Awas geuleuh kotor, nanti kamu sakit ih!" kata Mamah Raksasanya. Terus dia nendang aku masa! Anjir salah aing naooon? Ngeganggu juga nggak, minta dikasih makan juga nggak, literally cuma lagi jalan! Parah sih ini kaki nyut-nyutannya makin kerasa. Belom sempet aku ngapa-ngapain, Mamah Raksasa dan Anak Raksasa itu ngambil keresek item dari Raksasa Warung, ngasih kertas lecek tiga lembar, terus pergi. Keuheul.

Pas sakitnya udah mulai bisa ditoleransi, aku jalan lagi. Tapi naha dingin pisan ya? Oh, ada air turun dari langit. Anjir ujan. Aku cepet-cepet nyari tempat neduh. Tapi jalan aku ga bisa dicepetin da nyeri, jadi sekarang badan aku basah kuyup.

Dingin banget ini sumpah, aku ngegigil aja ga bisa ngapa-ngapain lagi. Aku liat-liat sekitar nggak ada kucing yang bisa aku ajak temenan dan pelukan biar nggak dingin-dingin banget. Aduuuh dingin banget ga tahan, bulu-bulu aku berat banget kayak waktu aku ga sengaja jatuh ke sungai yang kotor bulan lalu.

Ujan deras gini wajar aja sih nggak ada makhluk yang berkeliaran di sekitar sini. Aktivitas para raksasa di tempat mereka berkumpul nukerin kertas lecek sama barang-barang itu juga jadi kehambat. Aku diem aja di bawah pohon yang lumayan gede, sebisa mungkin ngeringkuk biar anget dan nggak makin kebasahan air ujan, ngegigil kayak cuma itu doang yang aku tau.

Mata aku berat banget. Capeeek pisan rasanya badan ini teh. Tapi aku ga boleh tidur, nanti raksasanya makin jauh nggak ketemu-ketemu, gimana mau balas dendam? Tapi mata ini berat banget euy... Berat...

Eh tapi terus kuping aku naik pas denger ada yang ngeong-ngeong. Kepala aku ngedongak, mata aku sibuk nyari-nyari sumber suaranya. Oh, ada kucing lagi rupanya, dia lagi digendong sama raksasa. Enak ya kayaknya didekap gitu, anget. Raksasanya bawa alat penangkal air pula, jadi ga akan kebasahan walaupun jalan di bawah ujan sekalipun.

"Mamah makasih ya beliin aku kuciiing..." Kata raksasa yang lebih kecil.

"Iya sama-sama, dijaga ya kucingnya, disayang," kata raksasa yang lebih gede.

Eh bentar, naha suaranya asa kenal? Pas aku liat jelas-jelas... Oh iyalah anjir itu raksasa yang kemaren nginjek kaki aku!!! Jantung aku langsung berdebar-debar, badan aku langsung pengen meluncur ke muka si raksasa terus cakar-cakar idungnya. Si anjir bedanya aing sama kucing yang ada di tangannya itu apa??? Gara-gara aing lahir di deket solokan terus kucing itu lahirnya di bawah atap nasib kita mesti beda pisan? Aing ga pantes disayang-sayang?

Ini hati udah siap banget namatin misi balas dendam, tapi sumpah badannya lemes banget... Bulu-bulu aku rasanya berat banget, kayak lebih berat dari tadi. Apalagi mata... Duh... Ga bisa ditahan... Terus mata aku merem, ga bisa dibuka. Yang bisa aku liat cuma item doang. Tapi ya udah... Seenggaknya badan aku udah nggak berat lagi.

Kamis, 24 Mei 2018

Tidak Gagal Malam Mingguan!

Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok. Tik. Tok.

Jam 3 sore.

Hm. Saya masih duduk di kursi di depan komputer. Ngapain? Ya gini aja, kegiatan anak millennial yang belakangan nular ke generasi sebelum dan setelah: scroll timeline Instagram.

Saya nggak tahu udah berapa lama saya melangsungkan kegiatan ini. Dari tadi saya udah liat banyak banget post temen-temen. Ada yang post foto lagi jalan-jalan di Yogya, ada yang lagi makan di Bali, ada yang lagi main sama keponakan, ada juga yang post foto makanan.

Dari nasi goreng kambing, es kepal Milo, sampe chicken mozzarella steak dan caviar. Lengkap banget.

Saya liat post teenage crush saya waktu SMA: dia sama suami barunya lagi honeymoon di Swedia. Waw. Fotonya keren banget, lagi. Iseng, saya kasih komentar: "Asik banget euy, di Swedia. Salam buat Ikea meatballs, ya!"

Hehehe. Jadi pengen Ikea meatballs. Ketika saya lagi mikirin bola-bola daging, dateng komentar balasan darinya. "Udah disalamin, tuh. Kamu malam mingguan ngapain?"

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Sebelum ini saya nggak pernah mikirin tentang malam mingguan, sih. Tapi kok agak kentang ya kalo saya bilang saya di kamar aja? Ih, gengsi meureun.

Kalo gitu, saya pergi ajalah biar bisa bales saya juga lagi malam mingguan. Tapi ke mana ya? Sama siapa? Coba saya liat kontak saya dulu.

Mega, temen kuliah yang juga sekarang kerja di Bandung, bisa jadi pilihan nih. Coba saya tanya dia mau saya ajak pergi ga malam ini. Wah, nggak bisa katanya, lagi kedatangan saudara dari Merauke.

Oke, saya coba Giga deh, temen komunitas jalan kaki yang sebenernya udah jarang ketemu. "Hai, Giga! Apa kabar? Lama banget ya nggak ketemu. Catch up yuk nanti malem di Cihampelas!" Saya agak berharap banyak sih karena anak ini biasanya selalu bilang oke kalo saya ajak jalan, tapi ternyata dia lagi dinas ke Subang untuk kerjaannya.

Waduh, saya mati gaya. Gimana ya? Saya udah nggak punya temen lagi nih! Coba saya buka Tinder. Siapa aja boleh deh, yang penting saya nggak gagal malam Mingguan!

Yang pertama ada bapak-bapak umur 50-an yang ngaku-ngaku masih 30 dan bujang. Ih maaf, saya belum butuh sugar daddy. Yang kedua ada mas-mas skater yang fotonya keren juga. Boleh, nih. Saya sapa ah. "Halo!" Nggak lama kemudian dateng balesan, "Hai! My girlfriend and I are looking for a partner for a threesome. Are you interested?"

Block, block, block.

Duh gimana ya? Ini udah jam 8 malem, udah 5 jam sejak mantan gebetan saya nanya saya malem mingguan ngapain. Akhirnya saya nyerah deh. Emang bukan kebiasaan saya juga malem Mingguan keluar kamar. Itu gara-gara saya introvert atau emang pemalas aja ya? Ga tau deh.

Yang kelas saya, eh, yang jelas saya ngerasa defeated bangetlah pas akhirnya bales, "Nggak ke mana-mana, di kamar aja."

Ah jadi sedih. Saya suka iri sih memang kalo liat post orang lagi bersenang-senang. Tapi ya gitu aja, cuma sampe tahap iri terus nggak pernah nyobain untuk keluar karena males. Ya udahlah, terima aja diri begini.

Nggak lama kemudian, dateng lagi balasan dari doi. "Enak atuh ya, bisa istirahat, punya me time. Aku mah susah banget punya waktu sendirian, apalagi semaleman penuh. Have fun ya!"

Oh. Bener juga ya. Saya nggak pernah keluar juga salah satu faktornya ya itu, karena capek semingguan kerja terus. Paling asik itu ketika bisa bangun telat karena nggak mesti mikirin kerjaan dan kantor.

Oke, mood saya jadi bagus lagi. Malem mingguan teh nggak harus keluar, kan? Nonton Youtube, dengerin musik, atau baca buku juga malem mingguan. Hehehe. Saya senyum aja sambil bales komentar gebetan, "Thank you ya. I will have fun. Kamu juga ya!"

Saya matiin HP saya, terus saya ambil buku yang udah lama pengen saya baca tapi belom sempet. Selamat malam Minggu!

Minggu, 29 Oktober 2017

Untitled

I wrote this story during Couchsurfing Writers' Club Bandung meeting on Thursday, October 26th, 2017. The host, Abi, chose quarter-life crisis as the theme. Here is what I managed to jot down in 30 or so minutes:


When I open my eyes this morning, I find myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

Hm?

I blink and I blink, but I still don't recognize the white plafond.

I get up, and scan the entire room: it's not mine.

It's not the room I grew up in with yellow walls and pictures of my favorite cartoon characters decorating it, keeping me company on nights of thunderstorms or afternoons after school.

This room has white walls instead, and a single clock in the middle of one. Under that clock is a mirror. I walk towards it.

I look in the mirror, and the woman inside stares back at me.

Who are you? I ask her.

She doesn't answer.

"Kaaak!" I hear my mom calling me. Finally! Something I recognize!

I get out of the room, finding my legs lightly jogging downstairs, excited at the thought of being with someone I actually know. Someone who actually knows me.

"Have you just woken up? You're going to be late to work!"

I stop dead. I look at her, and I see my mom. But something is different about her. Something that I can't quite point out...

"Yes," I hear a voice from inside my head. "I'm gonna get ready for work now."

And I see her. The woman from the mirror walks right past me from behind, gives my mother a hug, and goes to take a shower.

I look down at my hands. They're there, but it feels almost as if I can look through them.

"Mom?" I call her out, but she doesn't respond. Her eyes are still glued at the little device she is holding.

"Mom, I'm right here." Still no response. She is still watching a video of someone dressed in all white, spewing out contradictory words that she's listening to so intently.

I don't know how much time has passed with me just trying to figure out what's happening. The next thing I know is the woman from earlier emerges from another room, dressed in professional clothes with her face made up.

She kisses my mom on her cheek, and brings her sling bag out. I chase her. "Wait! Who are you? Why do you live in my house?"

She turns around and looks at me. "Stop living in the past. Wake up."

"What do you mean?"

"Wake up," she just says. "Wake up."

And then I open my eyes.

The white plafond I stare at is quiet as usual. I get up, scanning the room with white walls and the clock and the mirror.

I go towards the mirror, and stare at the reflection.

"Good, you've woken up," she says. "You can't be late for your first day of work."

Kamis, 19 Oktober 2017

Sweet Torture

Image taken from driscolls.com

It all started with the Korean drama I watched last night. There was nothing special about that episode, except for when the heroine was shown eating a strawberry shortcake. That scene wasn't even an important part of the story, but the way the cake looked, how soft and fluffy, made me want it in front of me right that second.

The way the main character sliced it with her fork, the way it crumbled, the way the cream kind of overflowed a little bit... and the way she brought it into her mouth, how she first bit into it, when she tasted the sweetness... It was almost as if I was the one eating it.

Almost! As the wise and almighty Ariana Grande once said, "Almost is never enough." So I turned off the TV, walked into my room, laid on my bed, and told myself that I would buy it the next day.

Which is today, and so far I have eight hours of work to go through and absolutely zero strawberry shortcake in my hands. It's fine, it's fine. My colleagues and I usually order Go-Food to our office for lunch, so I wonder if I can get a strawberry shortcake this time. I scroll and I scroll, spending each minute of my break time dedicated to searching for the one thing that will satiate my craving right now.

"Git!" I hear someone call my name from behind me. I turn around and find my boss standing near my desk. "I need your help translating this part, can you do it now?"

"But I haven't had lunch," I say.

To which he answers, "Oh, it's okay. I've already bought lunch for everyone in the translators' room. Nasi goreng!"

Ugh, great. I smile, and proceed to follow him to the other room. It's okay. I'll get my strawberry shortcake after work is done.

Five hours later, I find myself in front of the cake shop near my office. I walk in giddily, feeling like I'll finally get what I've always wanted for the whole day. There is only one person queueing in front of the cashier. Nice, I don't have to wait too long!

The cashier receives the cash and gives a white box to the customer. "Here's your strawberry shortcake. Thank you for your patronage, please come again!" After the customer in front of me leaves, she looks at me and smiles. "Good evening, Miss. How can I help you?"

"I'd like one strawberry shortcake, please," I say, pretending to be calm and not let my excitement show. This is it! I'll finally get my cake!!!

"I'm so sorry Miss, that was the last strawberry shortcake we had," says the dream-crushing cashier. "May I offer you something else? A cheesecake, maybe?"

'No, you may not!' is what I'm thinking, but instead I just shake my head and get out of the shop. It's fine. It's probably not my day.

I mean, I know it's just a random craving for a cake, but somehow it's getting me so down. I need someone to cheer me up. So I take my phone and dial my best friend's number. As soon as I hear her say hello, I ask her, "Are you home? I need an immediate mood booster."

"Oh, you call at the right time! Yeah, come here, I'm home. My brother just came back from work."

"So?" I see no relevance in her brother being home with her ability to cheer me up. But her next words prove me wrong. Dead wrong.

"Yeah, he just randomly brought home some strawberry shortcake."

I hang up and order a Gojek ride straight away. Strawberry shortcake, here I come!

Kamis, 24 Agustus 2017

How My Life Ends

Couchsurfing Writers Club
FB & Co, Bandung
August 24, 2017
Theme: Oxymoron


I don't know what time it is. Midnight? Past midnight? Maybe even just a little over 8 p.m.? Never mind that. It doesn't matter. What matters is what is standing before me.

Who is standing before me.

I didn't expect to find something - someone - quite like her tonight. I mean, it's a graveyard - I don't generally expect to see anything other than lonely soil filled with dead memories when I come here once a week just to be alone.

Tonight, though, proves to be different.

I was just about to sit under my tree - a big cypress located conveniently in the center of the whole cemetery - when I caught a glimpse of her.

I was scared, at first, but I tried not to show it. "Act naturally," I said to myself, "don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of." Either I convinced myself with that, or I faked bravery to prove to no one in particular that I am no coward, I tried to focus on what I thought I saw.

And there she was. Standing, right where I see her now.

I don't know what it is - but something about her is painfully beautiful. Is it her hair? No, she barely has any more hair. Her smile? She isn't even smiling. But this is what I know: her beauty will be the death of me... And I'm okay with that.

I say nothing. She says nothing. Can she say anything with her ripped lips? I don't know. What I do know is that this silence is deafening. I need to do something... Anything. I need to know her name.

So I ask her, "What's your name?"

But she doesn't answer. Maybe she can't answer. She just stands there staring at me with her left eye - the place where her right eye should be is left with a gaping hole. Huh. I didn't notice that before.

The night gets deeper and I can't take it anymore. I know what she wants. I know what she wants, and she can take it. I know how stupid that is, but I don't care. It's my only choice to be with her, even for a second.

So I walk, one step after another, towards her. She opens her arms invitingly. I submit, giving her a warm embrace, soaking in the fact that we're alone together in the universe for this moment, and for this moment only.

It's perfect. It's everything I never knew I needed.

She then opens her mouth, and proceeds to eat my brains. Yeah, okay. I accept the fact that I'm gonna die being devoured by the walking dead.