"Who is that? Found yourself a new girlfriend?"
"Missing you already"
"Adorable. Are you drunk?"
"No... I don't have to be drunk to text my girlfriend"
"Actually, you do. You're very practical with texts when you're sober."
"You know me so well! Are you an angel?"
"Just on the weekends. Where are you? You're not driving home after this, okay?"
"I'M NOT DRUNK"
"I don't believe you."
"Fine. I'm at Matt's"
"You are? Why?"
"Carolyn broke up with him I'm here for moral support"
"Moral supports aren't supposed to be intoxicated."
"I'm bad at it apparently"
"Should I take that responsibility? I can drive you home afterwards."
"NEGATIVE he doesn't want anyone to see his ugly face he cries like a little girl"
"Alright. Well, tell him I'm sorry. Are you staying there? I can come and bring breakfast for you guys."
"YOU ARE THE BEST WIFE"
"I'm not your wife yet, Alex."
"YET??? DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?"
"We are NOT doing this over text. Go get some rest."
"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not familiar with Internet abbreviations, like a normal 30-something who doesn't hang out with teenagers?"
"It's I love you so much remember it because I'll be saying it a lot"
"Oh because it's too much trouble to actually type every word down?"
"No because it's cool like spy codes"
"You're definitely more drunk than I thought. Go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning. Also: ILYSM2."
"Using 2 as too is a bit juvenile don't you think"
"OH SHUT UP ALEX!"